Mikeypedia – Page 14 – Stories from Behind the Keyboard

Meddlin’ dog!

dogref — "I'd throw a flag if I had opposable thumbs!"

My wife and I have three dogs. The smallest is a little rat terrier named Terry. Next is Lobo, an adorably cute black Lab mix. Whatever his Labrador-ness is mixed with must be small – he’s full grown, but looks like a three-month-old lab puppy.

And the big guy is Pirate. His mom was a blue heeler. We don’t know what his dad was, but I’m guessing something in the Australian shepherd or cattle dog group. He’s beautiful and brilliant and has an over-developed sense of entitlement.

Now that we’re in CO Springs, we’ve become regulars at a local dog park. It’s very nice – part of Palmer Park, one of the big areas that I believe is taken care of by the Parks & Rec folks. We go just about every afternoon – sometime between 3:30 and 5:30 – and we stay for an hour or more and let the dogs stretch their legs, socialize, and have some fun.

It’s fun for us, too. We’ve met quite a few folks since we’ve been going. Actually, we haven’t really met the people – we’ve met the dogs. “Oh, there’s Winston’s dad!” or “Hey! Sadie’s mom – how are ya?”

The dogs are the main raison d’etre for the park, and I’ve enjoyed watching the way their society works. As the weeks pass, I realize that their sociology is about like human sociology – with more butt-sniffing.

One aspect that I’ve found intriguing involves our big guy, Pirate. He’s close to 60 pounds, so he’s a good-sized dog, but he’s nowhere near the biggest that frequents the park. Still, for whatever reason, a rogue element of the herding instinct that’s buried in his genetic code has decided to manifest itself in his personality. Pirate has decided that he’s the referee.

When new arrivals to the park show up, Pirate stops whatever he’s doing to go welcome them through the gate. If any dogs get a little too rambunctious with their barking or bullying, Pirate runs right up to them and tells them to cut it out. He’s become my little Republican – anytime he sees a couple of dogs having fun, he has to get in the middle of it and stop it. It hasn’t gotten out of hand – he responds fairly quickly to us when we tell him to mind his own business – but I find it completely fascinating.

I wonder what causes that behavior…

Does Pirate believe that pack values will fade away if dogs are allowed to sniff the behinds of whoever they want? Does he think that too much stick-chasing will corrupt the puppy generation? Did some puppy pundit from Fox Terrier News warn him about the terrifying dangers of socialized water bowls?

Who knows… I have a lot of theories about the need to ensure that everyone around us believes what we want them to and does what we want them to, but they’re just theories – and maybe the reasons differ between people and puppies…

Whatever the reason, I’ll keep watching Pirate meddle in the affairs of the canine community, and I’ll keep being amused.

Colorado Springs, here I come

I’m moving to Colorado Springs. It’s a beautiful city, in a beautiful state – a wee bit of a change compared to most of my life. I’m particularly excited about the concept of seasons. We had seasons in D/FW: hot and hotter. It’ll be nice experiencing a bit of variety again.

But there is an aspect of my move to CO Springs that is somewhat ironic.

As it turns out, I have grown slightly more politically aware over the last few years. I was always a little interested – in fact, I considered accepting a scholarship offer to SMU to study political science and possibly pre-law with the thought of eventually pursuing some sort of political career.

But lately, my interest in all things political has reawakened in recent years (much to the chagrin of my wife). Interestingly, as I’ve begun exploring that particular universe, I’ve realized that my views tend to lean further away from the starboard side than I would have suspected. Growing up as I did (white, Christian, in Texas, etc.), I fully expected to resonate with a conservative viewpoint – but I find that isn’t the case.

My views – which in my recent environments would definitely qualify as countercultural – have raised a few eyebrows and gotten me into some very provocative conversation…which is great! I love socio-political discussions, especially with folks who have done some of their own reading and thinking.

Unfortunately, as I’ve delved more deeply into the underpinnings of our history and society, I’ve found myself less and less satisfied with the status quo – and that has raised my overall angst level.

So, the time comes that I’m going to move away from Texas – and where do I choose to go? A place that is possibly even more conservative: Colorado Springs – home to a bazillion different ministries, preachy non-profits, and meddling para-church organizations… there is a tiny amount of irony embedded in there somewhere.

In my Mother(-in-law)’s basement

We all have heard the stereotypes about a certain societal sub-class of people who are, shall we say, technology-oriented. Among the more durable stereotypes is the one where they live in their mothers’ basement. Ostensibly, they live there because they are too far down the food chain to be able to function in modern society on their own. I suspect that the real reason they live with their mothers is simply because they can, but who am I to say that a stereotype might not be 100% accurate?

So what would you call someone who lives in his mother-in-law’s basement? (We won’t talk about the fact that this would mean that my wife is one from the aforementioned societal sub-class!)

I have embarked on a new chapter in my life. Janet and I are moving to Colorado Springs, where we will be buying a house to live with her parents. The houses we’re checking out all have a main level for her folks and their dog, and a finished basement for Janet and me and our three hounds.

Something that has intrigued me about all this is the polarization of public opinion. A lot of different people have expressed their views to me regarding this choice – and the vast majority of opinions are distributed at the two ends of the spectrum, with very little middle ground.

Many people think that we are making the right choice. When they hear that we’re moving out here to help out with Janet’s parents, they shower us with compliments and praise. I hear stories of other folks who have made similar choices, and they tell me of the vast blessings they received due to their loving decision. I’ve had people remind me of the “only commandment with a promise” – and they’re proud of the fact that we’re honoring our parents. My own parents are sad that we’ve moving, but happy to know that I’d make this decision to help care for folks who have the need. It’s been gratifying to hear these opinions.

At the same time, many people think that we’re making a horrible decision. They tell me about how I’m going to ruin my marriage, and make things worse for my in-laws. I hear horror stories about how the best intentions inevitably lead to disasters of biblical proportions. Apparently, everyone involved is going to forget how to communicate, ignore the feelings of people they love, become completely self-centered megalomaniacs, and eventually invade Poland on the way to divorce court. It’s been amusing listening to these opinions.

I do appreciate the warnings. Buried within the gloom, doom, and despair, there is some helpful information. I hope to glean a bit of wisdom from that information – and I hope to use that wisdom to help make this situation the best it can possibly be.

It kinda reminds of my pre-marital counseling. The guy who insisted on counseling us (so we could use the church for our wedding) was a bit unprepared for folks like us. His approach (“Getting married will solve All of our problems – true or false?”) might have been helpful for a couple of kids right out of high school who had literally no clue about how life works or how to relate as a couple out in the world. But we were in our mid-30s and we’d read tons and talked tons and lived tons… I’m not saying that appropriate counseling wouldn’t have been valuable. I’m saying this wasn’t appropriate counseling.

Still, we took the small nuggets of helpful info (“Talking about money sometimes is important in a marriage…”) and put them into our relationship toolbox.

We’ll do the same here. I’m actually looking forward to it.

Cilantro: friend or foe?

Today’s top news story: Cilantro… Delicious herbal treat? Or silent trendy plague? Is it the global panacea that Art would have you believe? Or is it merely a wannabe parsley trying to be exotic with its pungent, soapy flavor? Let’s take a closer look, shall we? And yes, this means I had too much free time!

Cilantro (Coriandrum sativum) is a member of the Apiaceae (parsley) family. It’s an annual plant that grows anywhere from 2 to 3 feet tall (except in Mikey’s nightmares, when it assumes Little Shop of Horrors status – “Feed me!”). The leaves are currently used as herbs, and the fruits – usually dried and called coriander seeds – are used as a spice and have an entirely different taste.

Although cilantro is often associated with Mexican and Asian cuisines, it’s origin lies in the southern regions of the Mediterranean. In ancient times the leafy, nasty green part was rightly ignored, but coriander seeds have been found in Egyptian tombs from as far back as 3300 BC – as part of the traveling food for their journeys to the next world. It was not only used as food – it also had the medicinal quality of easing indigestion. It’s even mentioned in the Bible – in Exodus 16:31, manna is compared in appearance to coriander seed, and in taste to honey. According to some scholars, one of the first uses of the scary nasty leafy part was in the Passover meal – the horrifying green portion was the bitter herb which symbolized for the Hebrews the abuse and persecution they suffered at the hands of the Pharoahs in Egypt.

Thanks to the expansion-minded Romans, coriander spread to Europe and Asia. The Romans used the awful and frightening cilantro part along with cumin and vinegar as a preservative which they rubbed into meat to mask the taste of rot. In the Han dynasty of China (roughly 200 BC to 200 AD), coriander seeds were used as aphrodisiacs – and their aphrodisiac properties were also touted in the Arabian Nights stories.

Moving forward in history, we find that those famous sugarplums that danced in the heads of the kiddos at Christmas were originally sugar coated coriander seeds – some might say that feeding sugar coated aphrodisiacs to kids right before bed might’ve been cruel… I’ll leave that judgement up to you.

In the modern world, coriander is used commercially to make medications more palatable; it’s also used as a flavoring in gin, pickles, and sausage. Its vile and malevolent leafy counterpart is sometimes used as a component of makeups and perfumes. In addition, the terrifying and malignant green parts of it are used to drive away large musicians – kinda like garlic with vampires. As I surfed the web for my research, I found several anecdotes from people who had sent their food back in restaurants because the astringent, soapy flavor of this evil weed had them thinking that the joint hadn’t properly rinsed their dishes after washing them! I will fully admit that my two hours of research didn’t quite gather enough data for a statistically sound sample, but it appeared that just over half of the world loves cilantro, and just under half of the world hates it. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of middle ground… but we are the underdogs! Which, of course, is perfect for my rebellious neuroses!

As this tirade draws to a close, where are we? What have we learned? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I hope that you have come to realize the insidious nature of this demonic green beasty. I hope that you have begun to understand the difference between the healthy and helpful coriander seeds and the environmental catastrophe that is cilantro. Rise up! Rise up and show this soapy leafy nasty herbal blight that you aren’t going to take it anymore – that you aren’t just going to stand by and watch as it turns nice happy dishes into evil wicked tools of Darkness! Join me on a worldwide campaign to rid this planet of this nefarious execrable disease!

Ok, maybe I got a little bit crazy there… If you really want to eat that stuff, go right ahead. After all, I like Cheese Whiz, which only barely qualifies as actual food – so I can’t really talk. I still think cilantro is reminiscent of potpourri, but maybe that’s just me!