We all have heard the stereotypes about a certain societal sub-class of people who are, shall we say, technology-oriented. Among the more durable stereotypes is the one where they live in their mothers’ basement. Ostensibly, they live there because they are too far down the food chain to be able to function in modern society on their own. I suspect that the real reason they live with their mothers is simply because they can, but who am I to say that a stereotype might not be 100% accurate?
So what would you call someone who lives in his mother-in-law’s basement? (We won’t talk about the fact that this would mean that my wife is one from the aforementioned societal sub-class!)
I have embarked on a new chapter in my life. Janet and I are moving to Colorado Springs, where we will be buying a house to live with her parents. The houses we’re checking out all have a main level for her folks and their dog, and a finished basement for Janet and me and our three hounds.
Something that has intrigued me about all this is the polarization of public opinion. A lot of different people have expressed their views to me regarding this choice – and the vast majority of opinions are distributed at the two ends of the spectrum, with very little middle ground.
Many people think that we are making the right choice. When they hear that we’re moving out here to help out with Janet’s parents, they shower us with compliments and praise. I hear stories of other folks who have made similar choices, and they tell me of the vast blessings they received due to their loving decision. I’ve had people remind me of the “only commandment with a promise” – and they’re proud of the fact that we’re honoring our parents. My own parents are sad that we’ve moving, but happy to know that I’d make this decision to help care for folks who have the need. It’s been gratifying to hear these opinions.
At the same time, many people think that we’re making a horrible decision. They tell me about how I’m going to ruin my marriage, and make things worse for my in-laws. I hear horror stories about how the best intentions inevitably lead to disasters of biblical proportions. Apparently, everyone involved is going to forget how to communicate, ignore the feelings of people they love, become completely self-centered megalomaniacs, and eventually invade Poland on the way to divorce court. It’s been amusing listening to these opinions.
I do appreciate the warnings. Buried within the gloom, doom, and despair, there is some helpful information. I hope to glean a bit of wisdom from that information – and I hope to use that wisdom to help make this situation the best it can possibly be.
It kinda reminds of my pre-marital counseling. The guy who insisted on counseling us (so we could use the church for our wedding) was a bit unprepared for folks like us. His approach (“Getting married will solve All of our problems – true or false?”) might have been helpful for a couple of kids right out of high school who had literally no clue about how life works or how to relate as a couple out in the world. But we were in our mid-30s and we’d read tons and talked tons and lived tons… I’m not saying that appropriate counseling wouldn’t have been valuable. I’m saying this wasn’t appropriate counseling.
Still, we took the small nuggets of helpful info (“Talking about money sometimes is important in a marriage…”) and put them into our relationship toolbox.
We’ll do the same here. I’m actually looking forward to it.